YOUR MARITAL HEALTH/SEX AND PROBLEMS OF DAILY LIVING: TIMELESS LOVING

I just don’t know where time goes, but it goes somewhere. It moves ‘ faster and faster. If you talk to anybody, they will tell you that time seems to be going faster and faster, seasons merging into seasons. No matter what else we do, there just isn’t much time for sex if there isn’t much time for anything.

WIFE

Our concept of time is tied directly to our concept of life and living, how we view our world, those we love, and what we hope for and expect out of life. I have discussed the time issue in earlier chapters, but there is one central point the couples raised that can help all of us view time in a somewhat different way.

“When we are actually having sex,” reported one wife, “while we are doing it, there is no time at all. I mean, time doesn’t stop or go, it just isn’t. Now, after we have sex, we sometimes lean over and check to see what time it is, but during our sex, that is the only time there is no time.”

This wife and other spouses interviewed indicated that sexual intimacy, the total involvement and merging with another person, is not tied to the time dimension. As pointed out earlier, modern physicists, including Einstein and other so-called new physicists, have documented that time is not a concrete, easily measured “thing.” It is, rather, a highly abstract concept that depends on where we are, whom we are with, and what we are doing. During super sex, we are with the person we love, doing what we want to where and when we want to do it. Our consciousness is altered We are more into someone, responding to that someone rather than carried along by the ticks of a clock.

Perhaps time seems to be going so fast because we watch it so much. The abstract, subjective nature of time is reported by the following spouse with cell disease: “I have learned to sit and do nothing or to make love with my husband. Then time stands still or seems to go slowly. When I first learned I had cancer, I started to do everything I could to stay active every moment. I think I was speeding up time”, because the more I did, the less time there was. Now just sitting, even being bored, seems to make more time.” We do not have to be victims of time if we set the rhythm of our own living.

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